Stomachaches and School Stress: Helping Your Anxious Kid Navigate the Classroom

If you’ve spent this morning coaxing a crying child out from under the covers, or if you’ve spent your commute wondering why a simple bus ride feels like a mountain for your little one, please know, you are not alone.

In my 20 years of sitting on the therapy couch with families, I’ve seen a massive shift. Since 2020, school anxiety has climbed to an all-time high. Even the "littles" who never experienced a Zoom classroom are struggling to feel safe and confident in the hallway.

It is exhausting to be the parent in the middle of it. You’re trying to get to work, the bus is coming in five minutes, and your child is a puddle of tears on the floor.

It feels like a personal defeat, but I promise you, it’s just a signal that your child’s internal "alarm system" is stuck in the "on" position.

How Anxiety Speaks (When Your Child Can’t)

Kids don't say, "I’m feeling overwhelmed by the social hierarchy of the lunchroom." Instead, they show us through their bodies and behaviors. If you’re seeing these signs, it’s not "naughtiness," it’s anxiety:

• The Body’s Response: Those frequent stomachaches, headaches, or morning nausea are very real. They aren't "faking it" to stay home; their nervous system is physically reacting to stress.

• The Emotional Rollercoaster: You might see intense irritability, "meltdowns" over small things, or a constant need for you to say, "Everything is going to be okay."

• The Push-Back: This looks like refusing to get in the car, procrastinating on homework until 10 PM, or a sudden "perfectionism" where they’d rather not try at all than risk doing it wrong.

The "Why" Behind the Worry

When we ask our kids "What’s wrong?", they often don't have the words. But usually, the "why" falls into one of three buckets:

• Performance Pressure: The weight of tests, timed math facts, or having to speak in front of the class.

• Social Static: The invisible rules of making friends, the fear of bullying, or the curated pressure of social media.

• The Environment: A teacher with a loud voice, a chaotic hallway, or just the overwhelming sensory input of a crowded school.

Even if your little one cannot give you a clear answer, knowing these 3 possible causes can help you connect with and better understand what is going on in your child's head.

Small Steps Toward Bravery

I know it can feel like a lot to help your little one conquer their worry, but you don’t have to fix this all by tomorrow morning. Here are a few ways we can begin to lower the tension during the morning routine:

1. Validate the Feeling, But Stay the Course

Instead of saying, "You'll be fine, there's nothing to be scared of," try: "I can see your heart is beating fast and you're worried. I hear you. We can do hard things together." We want to acknowledge the fear without letting the fear make the decisions.

2. Create a "What If" Plan

Anxiety hates the unknown. Sit down during a calm time (not during the morning rush!) and problem-solve. "If your tummy starts to hurt at school, what’s our plan? You can go to the nurse for five minutes, take three deep breaths, and then try one more activity."

3. The Power of Routine

Anxious brains crave predictability. A consistent "wind-down" at bedtime and a visual morning checklist can take the guesswork out of the day, making the world feel a little smaller and safer.

4. Keep the Door Open

Gently encourage them to face the "scary" thing in small doses. Total avoidance usually makes the monster grow bigger. Celebrate the small wins-like getting to the bus stop or finishing a project-with as much enthusiasm as when they rode their bike for the first time without training wheels!

Parents, you're doing a great job!

Parenting an anxious child requires a level of patience and emotional labor that is truly heroic. Please be as kind to yourself as you are trying to be to your child.

If this feels familiar, know that you're not alone and support is here. You don't have to navigate these heavy mornings by yourself. You can book a free, no-pressure consultation with me to talk about your family's unique journey and how we can help your child find their "brave" again.

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